Better and Lame

I'm better after my last post. That was one of the harder nights I've had in the last year, but putting one foot in front of the other, it got a little better day by day. Even on the crappy days, there was still good and happiness in them.

I do love this little blog because I can vent, get it out on paper and no one really knows about it. And venting it out on paper helps me and that I am grateful for. So it is time for a vent session about stupid dating and guys. But I do have to write a disclaimer that girls suck too. It goes both ways. But I would also like to state that I don't believe that I sucked in this situation.

Oh sweet, young Jared. He is 24. And until two days ago, he was playing off his maturity as much older and put together. Well, I am no longer as impressed as I was. But I will say, it could very well be that he is just not interested in me after going out with me. That's fine, sucks a little, but really, it is fine. What is annoying in my healthier ways is feeling ignored. Yes, I have done this to people and yes, karma is a b but still, I didn't do anything to deserve it. We had a great date, had fun, he said let's do it again sometime in our after date text and then Sunday when I freaking looked GOOD, it is as if we have never met and he doesn't even know who I am. Seriously?! Doesn't even look my way. I did do my chill part when I passed him talking to another guy and said hi to both of them cheerfully but I can guarantee you that it wasn't so cheerful as to say marry me now. Then after church he ends up flirting with some girls. That part I get and really totally fine. We're not exclusive, nor should we be at this point and this while isn't the most joyous moment of my life watching that, I get it because I will do the same. But what irks me is not even taking the time to say hello or look at me. Now to make things a little more annoying, his roommate went out with my roommate and he sent her a text on Sunday and she asked what we did for our date. He replied and then said that Jared had a good time? Really, cause he doesn't even look at me. Then we continue on to last night. We had a ward talent show and it was fun. But after I talked with a few people, men and women. Then I see him across the room by the garbage can talking and flirting with this girl. Totes fine. I had decided that Sunday could have just been an off day and his roommate said he had a good time. That can deserve me saying hello to him before I leave, not a conversation, a simple, flash my pearly whites at him hi and go. I didn't want to interrupt him flirting because that isn't fair. I get that his pool for dating is our ward right now. But then I see him getting her number and I went all sassy inside. It wasn't that he was getting her number(although I had plenty of swear words for that), it was simply that he was taking the time to ask her out, get her number without even making an effort to say hello to me. And I am going to be horrible for a moment: I am more attractive than she is, my testimony is stronger than her, and frankly I just have my life put together more than she does...and she is a brat.(Clearly so am I.) So it came down to him choosing to not talk to me, spend time with her without even acting like he and I have ever met. Now I'm just irritated and confused. But I sucked it up and at this point didn't care whether I interrupted them or not. I walked over to throw away my cup and tapped(ish casual?) on his shoulder and hers and said hey to both of them and kept walking. I didn't look at him while I said it. But his hey was inviting to talk to him(that could be in my head but I don't think so)...I just kept walking and ended up talking to his roommate. We talked about a few things but then I was waiting for my other roommate and I casually (I was joyful and happy acting at this point, not sad and droopy)mentioned that I was waiting on my roommate because she was flirting with a guy and somehow I mentioned that his roommate was getting a girl's number. We talked about Flag Football tonight and then it was cheery and I left. Have I heard from Jared? No. Will I? Who in the whole world knows. I am getting conflicting messages. I could totally see him not being interested. But then there are other things that make me think otherwise. What I do know is that this is just silly. But at least it is down on paper and all of this feistiness is on paper and not in me as strongly. Success. :)

Even though this is annoying, at the end of the day, all I care about happening is Heavenly Father's will for me in my life. His plan is better than I could ever imagine. I hope that the part of the plan involving my husband is coming soon.