Dang. It happened again. Rejection. But I just have to tell you that this time is so much better. Granted we're on day one and I never actually went on a date with him, but I was still invested over the last 3 months of spending a lot of time with him and getting to know him. But the one thing that I have noticed today and last night was peace. It has begun to hurt my heart a bit but peace is what I feel most. I received a blessing about a month ago that said that everything that is happening right now is in the will of the Lord for me and my plan. So right now I am just trying to trust that this is exactly where I am supposed to be without him in my life.
I was honest like always and direct. He was good about both of those as well. I feel like he did lead me on a bit but in his mind, I think he thinks that he didn't ask me out so he is good. Well, not exactly. But the truth is that I want a man who loves me for me and will not be afraid because I have a red personality. Shame on him for not getting to know me better and see how each red personality is different. Note to him, I am not the girl you dated and fought horribly with 5 years ago. And I am not 22. So a preemptive no is a little harsh. And don't worry, I told him that I didn't agree with him on that but that I was not about to try and convince someone that they wanted to be with me. I said I wanted someone who knows they want me for me.
So back to square one of no interests. One thing that I love about this time that I didn't have last time is more love for me and confidence in who I am and what I want. And I have Matt who has become a great friend to me and is turning into a brother. I loved when he called him a lame ass and that he was scared of my awesomeness and that he wasn't just saying that. He meant it. I believe he meant it. This time I have noticed how much more I really love my friends and their support. Last time, one of my best friends had to "fix" everything for me. This time it is different. The same is that I dearly cling to the words of those who love me most and know the situation, but I am okay inside and not forcing others to help me feel calm. Thank you counseling. And more, thank you Heavenly Father. I knew I would be here again someday I think. I was hoping I wouldn't, but here I am. Something I have learned from my past: he isn't coming back for me. It's time to move on and like my dear friend's grandma always said, "onward and upward" and isn't that the truth. So here's to trusting in Heavenly Father and HIS plan for me. That will be my ultimate goal.
