too much vs. too little

Day 4 and I haven't heard anything from Jared. I found out on Tuesday night when I went to flag football that he is in Idaho until Sunday. Last night I kept going back and forth as to whether I should send over a fun text just to basically check-in. I went through a lot of emotions and in the end decided against it. I felt that if I would have sent it, it would have been out of desperation instead of a light easy text to say hello. I thought about snake girl and how they may be texting and he could forget about me and I had to stay in his mind. So I felt that desperation of doing too little and worrying that I would lose the opportunity to see where he and I could go because he would end up interested more in snake girl. But then on the flip side, I felt so strongly that I want a man that knows he wants me. I want a man who will come and get me. Jared has done this for the most part so far. I wanted to let another night go by. I think I will send him my original text today, not because I feel desperate, but because I do want to keep it going and I feel like I want to do something. Where is that line though of doing too much vs. doing too little? I honestly don't know. But what I feel in my gut is that yesterday wasn't the day to send something, today can be if I still feel good about it.

Yesterday also had its joys. I sent Brad a package of Dunford donuts for his birthday...and the cookies that were saved for Jared(I don't feel bad at all about this because he was with snake girl all Sunday night). :) He didn't get them on Tuesday because he had patients all day and couldn't get back to his apartment complex before they closed to pick it up. But he sent me a text and then called yesterday. He said that my gift made his day and that I hit a grand slam with it. :) That was so nice to hear and I tried to focus on that yesterday. I can't help but think that Brad is a great fit for me. Matt and I were talking on Monday and he was talking about a good fit vs. a great fit and how I wanted a great fit. Brad popped in my mind when he said that. But the timing is never on and we have never been in the same place and honestly, he may not even be interested in me, but there is still that question mark in my brain that remains regarding him. I am currently still more interested in Jared but I think it is more proximity for the time being. I can see nothing ever happening with Brad and us being friends and that will be just fine. The way he makes me feel is something that I want to feel with whoever I marry. I feel like I can truly do anything that I want to or need to without feeling worried about my spouse feeling like I am crushing them at the same time. I feel like he would support me and still feel like a man even if I became President. I don't want to be President, but you get what I mean. The other thing is that he and I are very much on the same page of having friends of the opposite sex after your married. He also will give his whole heart and soul to the Lord and to his marriage. These things make me feel safe and feel like I can always be true to me and who the Lord will need me to be and be able to 100% be able to trust my spouse. I am so grateful for knowing there is a man out there with those qualities.

Today is institute and that means Mike. He is still delish and at least he is fun for the night. There is a guy off of Tinder that I met who just moved into my ward and he said he may come tonight too. Either way, I am focusing on living in today. It's not easy but there is far more peace when I am able to do it. Live in the moment.