Wish

The last couple of weeks has been pretty lonely. From working out the meat of my childhood to getting off all dating sites and not really meeting anyone. Last Saturday night I went to the Temple and I was so angry at every single couple that I saw, and there were a lot. That isn't fair to them at all. It just hurt so much that I can't seem to have that right now. It's heartbreaking. On top of that, I have this hope for 2 men in my life. Brad and Mike. I could fall in love easily with either of these men given the chance. And there are times with both of them where I think there is something there on their side for me as well. They are each the type of man I would like to end up with. But neither of them are coming for me nor asking me out. It's incredibly frustrating and just sad. This last weekend I decided that it is time to give up hope for both of them so that I can keep moving forward instead of comparing everyone to them and maybe even without realizing it, waiting for one of them to come and get me. No more. It felt freeing when I decided to let it go. But of course the week I do that, they are both all over Facebook and Instagram. Yesterday in the Temple, I kind of drifted off and dreamed of Mike. Those feelings of love and desire and every feeling you have for someone you want to date were on the top of the surface. I wanted to be with him so bad in those moments. But I can't force it and I don't want to. I know that I need and want a man to come and get me because they know they want to be with ME. Tonight I saw him and left early when I usually linger and we hug a billion times and talk about everything and anything. He seemed shocked as he caught me before I left. But I just need to let go. I wish he would come and get me but it's not in my power. It's always and forever in Heavenly Father's hands. And that's how it should be.