Timing

Timing is very interesting to me. How everything unfolds and in the time it unfolds. I believe there is a perfection to it by Heavenly Father's hands. But as I think about the last 24 hours, I wonder why it unfolded the way it did. I think it was how it was going to anyway, but I just wonder why. The whys are always the worst because it's not very often you get those answered.

Yesterday I sent Craig a text to learn lots down south at his training. He said something about each of us getting a freebie without being judged while we were gone this weekend? I was the first one to try and justify this last month with Matt. Neither Craig nor I have kissed anyone in over a year and we both really enjoy kissing. My reply was me telling him he could do what he wanted but I reserved the right to judge. I also told him that earlier in the morning I had listened to a talk on not judging. He said hopefully listening to that talk was inspired. Then he told me to have fun in Chicago and I told him I would. Later last night while I was in the Temple I couldn't shake the feeling that I should have said something else and that I needed to write him back after I got out. I think some of it was something that my bishop said the night before in my Temple recommend interview. It was after the chastity question and he said that I help men in our ward keep that covenant as well. The nagging feeling only got stronger and so I sent him a text after I got out. I sent this, "I'm ridiculous but I'm answering your freebie question again bc I couldn't shake a nagging thought tonight in the Temple. It doesn't matter what I think. What matters is remembering who you really are and living up to your potential. It's going to be worth waiting for whoever you end up kissing. I'm done. :) Have a good night." This morning I got a text that said, "I could have used that text about an hour and a half earlier." I haven't responded.

How do I feel about this? Well, the first thing I thought was he isn't my boyfriend so he gets to do whatever he wants. I am not necessarily hurt or mad, but you could say disappointed and it will probably hurt a little later. But maybe not. Right now I am just taking it in and I am fine. In a way it is a good thing because I am hoping it will help me distance my feelings a little further away. This is what he was looking to do, go out and experience other types. Well, have fun with that.

The timing of it all is interesting to me. I didn't have that thought until I was in the Temple yesterday which would have been his hour and a half earlier. With that, I kind of think that maybe that was what was supposed to happen. I have no clue why. I don't know what is up ahead but I am grateful that I am okay right now. It is very different than before. Maybe the situation is just very different, but I feel different. I am looking forward to going to Chicago and being away and experiencing things that have nothing to do with him. I hope to just keep him out of my thoughts. I don't know if I will write him back. I haven't decided yet. I'm not mad but I don't really have anything to say to that. The friend part in me would say something, the girl who cares for him would say nothing. I don't think it is a matter of black and white, but more choice made and consequence of the actions chosen. I don't know what I feel about it. If I feel like I should write something, I will. If not, I won't.