Don't you just love family

I really love my brother more than I can say but there was a moment when he called me Tuesday night that I may not have liked him very much. He just fell in love with this girl and he said, "Won't it be so depressing if I get married before you?" Ouch. I didn't even have words. Craig was still fresh and a surprise to me, was hurting that night. So don't you just love family?! Well I really do. I called my sister after the phone call and ended up leaving a ridiculous crying message on her machine. She was great and called me back. She has been great to never, ever bring up the fact that I am still not married. I know she would change it in a second if she could. But she can't and that is okay. I am just glad she doesn't rub it in my face. Hence why she was the perfect person to call after the comment from my brother on that.

After Craig's comments on Monday night, I made it a point to pull back but not put up my "f off" sign. He knows the sign well. So Tuesday after getting help from 2 close friends, it was decided that I would go to softball and not avoid it or him and be his friend. I wanted to have the opportunity to talk with him without the sign up. Nothing long(because we all know I wouldn't have made it longer than 30 seconds without the sign flying up!)but a quick hey, how are you thing. The funniest part was when Tonya yelled out TWICE, "Colleen has a date"...I am of course hoping he heard that, but who knows. The second time I put my hand over her mouth. :) But so he came up the stairs and I seriously prayed hard that I could not have the sign up and I think we said maybe 3-4 sentences and then I had to go. It was good to not let it be awkward. This part of the gray is the hardest. I want to just cut him out of my life because that is what I do in these situations. But being his friend is going to be a great thing for me(or at least that is what Paige says, she gave a good reason and so did Katie). Katie and Paige both think that giving it some time is what needs to happen regardless of what happens in the end. They won't let me be ridiculous or let someone take advantage of me. I can say the same for Kristen as well. I love how angry she gets when we talk about Craig because it makes me feel like she cares. As for me, you know I want to tell him to suck it. :)

My goal is to just live in each day as it comes. If it ends up Craig and I going separate ways, well then that is how it is supposed to be. Today, that would suck, but maybe tomorrow it won't. Living in the moment is great for not stressing my normal amount. Especially because I can't control if he chooses to be with another woman. It's not in my control. I don't love that always, but I am grateful for it every day. So let's see what happens.