Grateful

I can't even begin to express how grateful I am for my blessings. I am grateful for all of the hard lessons I have learned. I am thankful that I can stay close to the Lord and hear His revelation. Let me explain some whys.

When I was dating :"Saved by the Bell" I felt that I needed him to see how amazing I was and quickly. I didn't realize that I was trying to impress him more than just letting it roll naturally. I was so happy but I didn't understand why he couldn't see that I was amazing for him when we broke up and after. He treated me like gold for two weeks and I felt like gold. While I was comfortable, I cared too much. I know that sounds weird but I can't explain it any other way.

With "Hot Teeth" it is so different. I feel like there is a wall that is only letting some of me go at a time. I don't want to show him how amazing I am yet because I don't want it to freak him out. But he himself is amazing and has his life together so maybe it won't be as intimidating. It isn't that I don't want to show him that, it just feels good at this slower pace. I know that he likes to date people for a year before he thinks about marrying them. I like that. I don't feel like I have to hurry up and show him how amazing I am so he can hurry up and marry me. It is patient. It is "line up line". It is perfect. And the other part that had me worried last week about going too far with him according to LDS standards is amazing.

In me there is a strong determination to not go too far. When I think about losing the opportunity to be as close to the Lord as I have been for a few nights of "fun" is completely out of the question because it is not worth it. My relationship with Heavenly Father is deeper than it is with anyone else and that is why it means more. I am not messing with that. Every time we kiss/make-out, I feel a definite line and the power not to cross it. If you could see inside me and feel what I am feeling, you would know how amazing this is. But I know that I have to be aware and cautious at the same time because I know how strong temptation is and when you let your guard down is when things happen. I am so grateful for the lessons I have learned. I am grateful that I have learned from my mistakes...or at least I am still trying.

I am grateful for "Hot Teeth" and the pace it is going. I am grateful that I am so happy. I am grateful that I can still go to the Temple with my sister this week without feeling bad. As long as I stay close to the Lord, I will know what needs to happen in my life. It is the only way I want my life to be. I am grateful that I know that and strive to live that.