True Friend?

I am of the opinion that your roommate/good friend should not go after someone you have told them you are interested in. It doesn't mean you are going to marry the guy or that you have any real claim to him, it simply means lay off long enough so that I can see if anything is going to happen. You trust your friends and usually roommates with your feelings. When they go behind your back and ask out the guy you just told them 4 or 5 days before that you were interested in(and had spent time with him), that is crap in my book.

But I have thought about this a lot more since this happened. This roommate/friend is someone I have known for 5 years. While we haven't been close all 5 years, we are closer. She isn't one of my "people" nor do I trust her with all of my thoughts and feelings because we haven't built up that trust between each other yet. But we are close enough that you don't do something to intentionally piss the other person off or hurt them for possible personal gain. You just don't. But as I was thinking about this, there are people who think otherwise.

For me, I wouldn't do this to someone I was close to, even if I was interested in that guy (I have been in that situation before). But I have friends who wouldn't think twice about doing this to a friend and they see no malice in it. Those are the people that need to be good friends. As for the other people, they can be good friends with me.

This is how my brain thinks of it. I am opening up to you as a friend and trusting you with feelings and hopes close to my heart. Depending on what you do with those things I tell you will determine if I trust you with anything that actually means anything to me in the future. Why would I tell someone something that means something to me only to have them turn around and do something they know would hurt me? As a side note, I don't talk behind peoples backs. I will say it to their face...hopefully in a tactful way. Anyway, it feels like a small betrayal. While that sounds drama filled, it is how I feel.

But at the end of the day, I understand that not everyone feels this way and that is okay. I just won't trust you with my real thoughts and feelings. We will have a surface friendship and that really is fine with me. As long as I know what type of friend that person is, I can put them in their correct spot in my heart.

One note I want to add to this. Last night I found all of this out. The night before I found out that the person from the previously blog I wrote isn't interested in dating me(something I had hoped for). I felt like I had taken a hit on both sides and it hurt a lot. I cried like a baby(thank you mom for those emotional genes!) because I felt alone in all of this. In all honesty, I want more than anything, the man that I can just fall into and trust with my whole heart and soul. I have always been independent because I have had to be. But I just need someone who is confident enough in himself to love me for me. On a day where everything falls apart for one reason or the other, I want to go home and fall into that man and know that he will take care of me. I can be strong or weak around him and he will love me for both. That is what I wanted last night but as I was praying to Heavenly Father, I felt so loved. I felt that even though I felt alone, He understood everything I was feeling and that I was not alone. He was with me. I felt that love and peace in my heart and that is what I am most grateful for. While we may feel alone, He will always be there.