Have you ever noticed that when you are praying for God's will to happen, you still get upset when it isn't going your way? I do. If I take a few steps back and really think about His will, than I can be thankful that he knows what He is doing and what is best for me, even though I can't see it right then.
I am currently single. I have never been married. I am 29 years-old.
I dated this guy in July of this year. I have honestly never been happier in my life. I don't know exactly why that was. He is a great man. He was smitten with me. He is kind. He is the kind of man that you marry. But then he freaked out and ended things. His reasoning was that I knew exactly what I wanted and I was only the second person he had ever dated and he had no idea what he wanted. While I tried to assure him that I was not exactly sure of what I wanted and more importantly, that I wasn't expecting a marriage proposal in the next few months, he still ended things. In it he said that one day he may have to come graveling back to me.
With every other guy I have dated, there has been something for me to say, "I am okay this didn't work out because I don't know how well I would've done with this or that." With him, we'll call him "Saved by the Bell", there was nothing that I could see to my very trained eye that would've made me turn away and run. He is truly a good and pure man right down to his core.
I thought that I would be over him in a matter of a few weeks, tops. It has now been three months and I still have feelings for him. How silly is that? And a worse question that I ask myself sometimes, "why doesn't this good man want me?" I think that is the hardest part. He is good and kind and all of these things I want, but he doesn't want me. Well that feeling royally sucks. And I know that most people have gone through that so you know how crappy you feel about it all. I am still good with who I am and how I look, but it definitely takes a hit on you. I wanted him and I thought he would see that I was great for him and he would come back. He hasn't. And at this point, I don't think he will. That sucks.
But back to God's will. Even though the first month I couldn't find anything that was a big siren going off in my head, I have found qualities since that I want more. It still hurts(hopefully that will end today...or tomorrow at the latest(I am a very patient person :)) but at the end of this day while my heart still hurts, I see logic is the whole picture. I want someone who is secure in who they are and what they want. I want someone who is sure they want me. I see things that I want more out of a man than what "Saved by the Bell" actually has right now because of his inexperience. While today may still suck a little, it is nice to see that even though I think I know what is best for me, I don't see the whole picture. God does. He knows exactly what each of us need and just as importantly to me, who each of us need. It all works out. I know that. I will keep praying for God's will, even when I think I know what is better. Because in the end, I would rather have His choicest blessings than the ones I can imagine. His blessings will always be better.
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