29 Years Later

I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I believe that God is my father, Jesus Christ is my Savior and brother and I believe in the Holy Ghost. I believe that I receive personal revelation from God through the Holy Ghost for things that pertain to me personally. The way that I understand revelation from God is through thoughts that come to my mind. Obviously not all of them, but pure knowledge that I would've never thought up myself. I also feel it in my heart when something is right. The best way I can describe it is that it kind of feels like when someone is tickling your back or playing with your hair. I believe in this with my whole heart, mind and soul.

This brings me to what I am going to say next. Tonight I had a thought come into my head that had never occurred to me before. But before I tell you that, let me tell you first about my wonderful mom.

She is the oldest of 4 children. Her mom had epilepsy all growing up and she took care of her mom every single day. My grandpa was under a lot of stress and he would hit my mom often. It would be over something as small as homework. Then when she was 18 years-old, she was dating a man. She was not a member of the LDS Church and therefore lived without those standards. They were intimate. She was at a party one night and a man raped her. She got pregnant around this time and the man she was dating freaked out and walked away. He wasn't sure if the baby was his or if the baby was the rape victim. There were some discernible differences between these men and when the baby came out, she was the daughter of the man my mom dated. That baby was me.

My mom was only 19 when she had me. She put me up for adoption for 2 weeks and then came back and got me. She met my step-dad when I was 3 years-old and married him when I was almost 5. He abused me in every way possible. She never knew any of this while we were living with him. My sister came along and she started to suspect things. When I was almost 8, she packed up our car with 3 blankets, 3 pair of clothes for each of us, some eating utensils and money she had in her account, which wasn't very much. We lived with my aunt for a month and then had to move out.

After a few months of being here and knowing we weren't going back, I told my mom what had happened. I have never seen so much pain in anyone.

We were on welfare for a little while and then my mom worked nights, days; anything to make ends meet. She started going to school so she could better herself. She married two additional not so great men. She has worked herself to the bone all 29 years of my life. She just left her latest husband because in the 4 years they were married, he worked a total of 2 months. He tore her down and she just loved him.

It breaks my heart more than anything else in the world to see that my mom still hasn't been taken care of and loved the way she should. I have always wanted to give my mom anything that would bring pure love and joy and happiness to her life. But as with my own life, I can't control the choices of others nor can I make things happen the way I want. Tonight I was blessed with knowledge that I had never thought before.

My moms greatest joy and gift is loving others. She is amazing at it. She never judges you. She always just loves you. I was over at her house tonight and we were talking about kids and her being a grandma one day. The purest thought came to my mind. My moms greatest joy in life will come when she becomes a grandma and is able to be with her grandchildren. No other grandchildren will ever be loved as much. I don't know how I didn't see it before. They will love her just as much back and she will do anything for them. My mom was made to be a grandma. She will be prefect. I know that grandchildren will bring my mom more joy that she has ever known. And this is a gift that one day I can give to her. Me, my sister and two brothers. I can finally do something to bring my mom the purest joy and happiness. While I am not married right now, one day I will be and I will have children and I will let my mom love my kids more than anything. What a perfect answer to a prayer that I have prayed about since I was little.